God, what?

If anyone takes the word of Christ seriously, they are not believable. It's good that my salvation doesn't depend on my belief or lack there of. Every so often, I begin to think about what I’m really saying and believing.

I regularly confess the Apostles Creed.

I believe in God, the Father almighty,
creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord.
He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit
and born of the Virgin Mary.
He suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
On the third day he rose again,
He ascended into heaven.
He is seated at the right hand of the Father
and He will come again to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting.

Do I really believe? Was there really a Christ that was both fully divine and fully human? Did this Christ take away my sin at His expense? There’s life after my flesh dies and my body will be resurrected?

This is impossible. I am only a lowly human, why would any god care about me? Can God possibly know what I’ve done and not done and still cleanse my sins? Why does God take my sins? What does God get out of this? The nature of God is puzzling. It just doesn’t make sense.

God has power, and for me, power corrupts me. How is God still good? How am I subject to sin but God isn’t. Why am I trying to bring God down to my level?

It is uncomfortable to know that I have nothing to do, say or think to secure my salvation. The Holy Spirit has already claimed me, through nothing I could’ve done or not done. I want God to be understandable in human terms, here and now. For now, I wait, watch and listen as Christ is led to Golgotha.