The Notebook

During the film, many couples came vividly to my mind. For each, I shed tears. I weep for Aaron and I, and the wonderful love we share and the uncertainty of our tomorrows. I cry for Tyler and Amber who will take vows and make public their intent to live as husband and wife this weekend. I sob for Dan’s wife, who grieves the lose of her husband. I grieve for my grandma Wernicke who continues to live without Grandpa.

On Wednesday, Grandpa will have been gone for 4 years. He died of complications stemming from Alzheimer’s disease. Grandma keeps his photo near her and kisses ‘him’ at least once every morning and every night. During our last visit home, Grandma asked Aaron and I if she would know Grandpa when she got to heaven. When we left her, I wanted to hold Aaron and never let go. Watching the progression of Grandpa’s disease and the love that he and Grandma shared (63 years married, 72 years love) was a powerful witness to the bonds two people can share. In my experience, my grandparents shared the longest, strongest love I’ve ever seen. Even during Grandpas final days when he forgot his only living son, he knew Grandma was his wife. He also knew who was family and who was staff. During his final week, if a family member walked in the room and grab his hand he’d pucker up for a kiss. Other than the kiss, he was unconscious. I will never forget the long hours holding his hand during his last week of life. I could sit by his bed and hold his hand with my left hand as I studied for midterms with my right. If I were away from him, I couldn’t focus, but if I were with him, I knew how he was and could study all night. Love and family, what a curious and blessed combination.

Thoughts

According to current U.S. law, it is okay to kill criminals, unborn children, domestic animals, terrorists and enemy combatants. Euthanasia, on the other hand, is not okay. What do our laws say about the way our society regards life? How is it merciful to kill a dog that is old and suffering, while we wait for humans to die on their own? The closest we get to ‘put down’ a human is not providing ‘heroic’ life sustaining measures.

For Aaron and I, the past few days have been filled with death talk. One of the latest conversations was regarding the means of Dan’s death. For Aaron, it’s hard to loose another cousin to an ‘accident.’ How is it easier to think of a death at the hands of another human easier than an accident? Isn’t death the sadness that we feel? How does sadness differ according to the means of death? If someone killed him, we could be angry with someone instead of feeling anger without a direction. Many in this case direct anger toward God, the eternal scapegoat.

I also wonder, why is death different for an 82 year-old from a 22 year old? Both lives were of equal value. What makes us think that we should be able to live to an old age? We are born with the certainty that death will be our earthly end. I am okay with death being an earthly end. I am okay with all questions that are asked and will be asked during the grieving process. I am okay with the realization that the grieving process will continue throughout our lifetime. While grieving Dan’s death part of our grief is ultimately connected to our own death. Life as we know it is often painful, but the life we know is all that we have experienced. Thoughts of our own death scare us. What awaits us? As a sinner and a saint, I have been offered the consolation of the Gospel. In my darkest hours, it may not seem to make one bit of difference in my self-centered pain, but even in those hours God can and has broken in with the Son. In all the questions, long hours and sorrow I know that God has claimed me as His own. I know what God has promised me.

Sheol - The Sleepless Night after a Loved One Dies

Dan Bartels, 22, Aaron’s 1st cousin, killed in Iraq. What is it about relationships that make the news come alive? A little over a year ago, I stood at a candle lit vigil with a hundred others in front of our local library to remember the 1,000 U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq. The mood was solemn, but afterwards I made my way back to the dorms, did a little homework, and went about my normal routine. Yesterday, the death of one soldier rocked my world. Maybe it was the phone calls from Aaron’s parents or maybe it was holding my sobbing husband, who so clung desperately to me. What about this one made the impact? Thousands have died on both sides of this war. Before we began dinner, we prayed for grieving families on both sides. Death is different after a little theological education. It still stings. It still comes with questions. The questions this time are different. We aren’t asking, why did God do this or what did we or he do to deserve this? Instead, Aaron asks, “Am I the first one on campus to loose someone to the war?” Whether or not, this is my time to speak up. We know and trust what God has done and promised. We know that Dan, the people in Iraq and all of us are created in the Image of God. I ask for prayers for Dan’s family, for everyone affected by war and for peace.

Colombia and Senator Coleman

Photo - Displaced Colombians at Pastor Pedro's church, Cristo El Ray (Christ the King)

Yesterday and today are “Reading Days” and classes are cancelled. This morning a group went to meet with the new foreign affairs staffer in Senator Norm Coleman’s St. Paul office. An indigenous Colombian and two Afro-Colombians made the visit with three students, a pastor and two Lutheran World Relief representatives. Coleman has done an excellent job on Colombian policy work in the past and was already working finding a disappeared peace advocate who was slated to come to the US this weekend for a peace conference in Chicago. The powerful portion of our meeting came when the staffer began reading a list of statistics that ‘showed’ the President Alvaro’s administration was responsible for decreasing killings, displacements and disappearances in the country. The Colombians with us quickly stated that once you’ve killed/disappeared most of your opponents there’s no one left to kill/disappear and once you’ve displaced all the peasant farmers there’s no one left to displace. The situation is so complicated with many armed actors. Stateside there is a group working on the Sal y Luz (Salt and Light) peace project. There isn’t a group to back in this conflict. The project is designed to wage peace. Pedro, Pastor connected with the Luther Seminary Sal y Luz project, described a situation in which the government is financially compensating ‘disarmed paramilitaries’ when they ‘opt out’ of their fighting groups. One is living across the street of a widow with 12 children whose husband was killed by a paramilitary group – she receives no help. The other problems with this include Colombians who were never armed actors signing up for the ‘opt out’ program and others who reenlist with different groups while still collecting the benefits from the ‘opt out.’ No easy answers can be found to this and many conflicts. I am grateful for the opportunity to speak truth to power and to have a senator who is actively searching for answers in the bureaucratic nightmare of the US Senate.

Can I Stand?

How hard it is to live in the richest nation in the world and realize it. What does it mean to be a citizen of the world and a citizen of the US? What is asked of me? What responsibilities are there for being an educated white female? This past week, I’ve heard three different sermons preached on Matthew 22:15-22. My favorite preacher, Dr. Mary Shore, preached one. In her sermon, she challenged but also preached the Gospel. Today in chapel a Canadian preacher used Luke 17:11-19. Again, the lesson had financial implications. As a student, I have less financial resources than others do, but my husband and I still have an apartment and resources to live very comfortable lifestyle even on US standards. In comparison to the citizens of the world, we are incredibly rich financially. What do we do? Where are we being called? What is being asked of us? How can we be responsible to the privilege and opportunity to study instead of working fulltime while still being good stewards? How can small luxuries (i.e. road trips, eating out, going to the see latest films) be justified? Do they need to be justified? How can I stand at the foot of the cross with the baggage I carry? How can I stand?

Sarah Henrich Speaks Greek and Eats at the Olive Garden

This evening Aaron and I decided dine at the Olive Garden for our third meal of the day. With the warm fall weather we sat outside while waiting for a table. We were deep in conversation when I laughed and said, that woman really resembles Dr. Henrich, the professor we learned Greek from last year. And look, she even runs like Henrich. Henrich runs from place to place usually with a cup of coffee in her hand that she spills every 5 seconds. Well, our flashing buzzing beeper went off telling us that our table was ready. As we approached the host station lo and behold, there was Henrich. Yes, we realize that professors do have lives and can eat out occasionally, but she has an ongoing project in Italy. It’s awesome that she’s running into an Italian chain restaurant for her Italian.

Fifth Row Center and Payless Shoes

My grandma and I have tickets (5th row!) for the last performance of Carmen at the Metropolitan Opera (1 of the top 3 opera houses in the world). If that isn’t cool enough, my aunt is in the performance! Yeah, Grandma could be buying both of our plane tickets for the amount she is spending to get us into the performance, but this is a lifelong dream for Tina. She always said she’d ‘make it’ and Grandma always said she’d go see her when she did. I get to tag along since this is my first Christmas away from home, so being with Tina and Grandma the weekend before will make it much easier. Plus, NYC at Christmas is just plain amazing. When I went to visit Tina at Christmas a few years ago we had a blast going shopping and looking at the store windows. The entire city is festive and alive. It seems crazy to be excited over Christmas when this is the beginning of October, but this is freakin’ awesome!

When Grandma called yesterday to tell me we have tickets she said, “3 nights in a Manhattan hotel and your Carmen ticket, Merry Christmas!” So, that leaves me to find a plane ticket and the proper attire. It just so happens I bought a dress for two upcoming weddings that will work well for this event, but I don’t have shoes. The only ones I can afford now are at Payless. I wonder, has anyone has ever sat in the fifth row of the Metropolitan Opera in Payless shoes.

Floods, Hurricanes, Earthquakes, Volcanic Eruptions and the Poor

On September 22, the initial flooding reports came to my inbox regarding flooding in San Salvador the capital of El Salvador. A friend's blog informed me that three people were killed and 490 were in shelters. The country continues to feel natural disasters such as another hurricane, an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale and a volcanic eruption with continued threats. Currently 70,000 people or 1% of the population is in shelters throughout the country, which is slightly smaller than Massachusetts. El Salvador is no stranger to earthquakes. Monday was the 19th anniversary of the 1986 earthquake which left more than one thousand Salvadorans dead and ten thousand wounded.

How can a people cope? Does hope remain? My heart breaks for the Salvadorans. According to the CIA World Factbook, El Salvador has many natural hazards. It is known as the Land of Volcanoes; frequent and sometimes very destructive earthquakes and volcanic activity; extremely susceptible to hurricanes. These ‘hazards’ are part of the fabric of the Salvadoran life. Disasters are a part of life. There is always something to clean up after or something to worry about. This is a consistent, continual life and death struggle.

El Salvador is another instance of the poor being pushed onto land that is dangerous and prone to natural disasters. Over the past months I have began to see the unfair land distribution that continues to marginalize peoples. In history text books, I’ve read about Europeans displacing Native Americans, but I never connected the land issue to today.

Time to go

After a crazy beginning to the middler year it’s time to get off campus! This weekend Aaron, Lori and I are headed to Nebraska to see the Huskers take on Texas Tech. and meet lotsa Lori’s friends and family. This week has been a crazy sprint to get all our homework finished in time to leave at 2pm tomorrow. Usually our Friday nights are spent working on an online class, but not this one! Be sure to check out the pic page after 10.10 to see the wildness that was our weekend.

From the depths of the pit

Families can be amazing structures of support and comfort. Families can also be the places of extreme pain and sorrow. Seminary courses can be filled with discovery and insight.

Yesterday, the worst of my family pain met the discovery and insight of class. How can I look at my sorrow through a theological lense? I can't. Right now I can't look at this pain. If I have not worked through this pain I cannot assist others who are in similar situations. Where do I begin the work? Can I even begin the work?

I am tired - classes are stressful. I am tired - my father is a using alcoholic. I am tired - I cannot even speak of the secret that grips me now.

I called on your name, O LORD,
from the depths of the pit;
you heard my plea, "Do not close your ear
to my cry for help, but give me relief!"
You came near when I called on you;
you said, "Do not fear!"
You have taken up my cause, O LORD,
you have redeemed my life.

Lamentations 3:55-58

Failure

Lately, I have fallen deaf to the cries of the poor. I find myself easily wrapped in a world consisting of Luther, work, friends, family and Aaron. While these people and things are important I do not want them to be the only important things in life. This morning I listened listened to a MD who gave up a comfortable suburban practice to walk with the poor in D.C. and later I watched a slide show from a U.S. delegation to Colombia. While hearing about the MD I thought of my experience living in the city in solidarity with the poor and how rich (in non-monetary ways) I felt doing it. While looking at the Colombia photos I recognized faces of pastors I have met through the Sal y Luz (salt and light) partnership here at Luther. A pastor traveled here while her husband was captured and detained by the Colombian forces who have a record of killing those whom they capture. My question becomes where am I truly involved here and now? Yesterday at a potluck I heard the voice of a Hispanic immigrant who was speaking about two acts that would significantly improve situations for non-documented people in the U.S. and those who wish to come. I realized that I have no clue what ISAIAH, a faith based community-organizing group in the cities and is part of the Gamaliel Foundation that works nationally for policy changes, is up to. I feel I am getting to complacent. I am not speaking up for the least, lost, lowly and left behind. Where am I being called? What can I do?