Suicide

Tonight at 10:13, I received a call from a number that I didn’t recognize. I was sitting in the Black Cloister at Trinity Lutheran Seminary where I had just finished watching a movie for my Bible and Film course. When I answered the voice on the other end said, “Hi this is Eric.” I couldn’t place him, but soon I realized that it was Eric, Melodi’s husband. I was excited when I finally figured out who this mystery voice was. Then I heard news that changed everything, “this morning Melodi’s dad committed suicide.” I talked for 5 minutes gathering what little information I could think to get – without getting too personal. I’m sure he’s told it a million times already and is numb and raw. After the conversation I was left with the instructions to tell 4 seminary friends as well as our LVC community. How do I do that? How do I communicate this news? What is a suicide? It’s a manner of killing yourself, but that’s so cold and doesn’t begin to touch the emotions surrounding the tragedy. I got to my car and sobbed a few minutes before getting on the road. After being emotionally raw from CPE how is Melodi coping? Where did her dad think God was when he was in need? It’s times like these that I cling to Romans 8, “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Anything else in all creation – including suicide, that is not chosen, but happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

What must it be like for Melodi’s mom to go to bed tonight? They’re living in the house that he lived in. He’s everywhere but not really. What could I have done differently, is being asked. I pray for Melodi and her family, for healing and comfort that only God can accomplish.